Forgiving oneself

Is forgiving oneself a difficult task? I believe so. Sometimes we are more critical of ourselves and others.

I have been doing some soul searching. One question that I asked myself lately, was why do I feel sad and tears starts rolling down my face when I think of my late sis-in-law. Next week on the 8th of Sept 2005, will mark her one year of departure form us all.

I began to realize, could it be that i can't forgive myself that I am also hurting that she is now gone from my life? That I no longer have a chance to remedy the situation!?

She has never really been close to me. I believe I am feeling this way, becoz I never did have a sense of closure. I believe i didn't help her enough when she was alive and ill. Maybe during her times of need I was not there. And now when she's gone I feel guilty about it and unable to help her now. Would it had been better if I had actually said sorry to her or asked for forgiveness for the times I didn't see her cry for help?

Maybe its time I learn how to forgive myself?
Maybe its time I learn to love myself more?
Maybe its time I learn to open myself more to people's love?
Maybe its time, I ask God to forgive and Let Sarah knows that deep down inside we all miss her? Or could it be I can say that to her myself and she is able to hear me?
Its just a bunch of maybes. But it could be the remedy for me, no?